Was I Just Love-Bombed?
You recently started seeing someone and hit it off right away. You’re infatuated with each other, they’ve told you, “you’re my person,” and “I’ve never had a connection like this before with anyone else.” There’s constant compliments and talks about the future together. Early in they tell you they love you and you start to wonder, is this genuine or is this love-bombing? So… I’m a Licensed Mental Health Therapist in Boca Raton, Florida, let’s get into it.
What is Love-Bombing?
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic used as a way to gain control over the other person. It’s normal to be in the honeymoon stage where you feel joyful and excited about each other in the beginning. But, if the relationship feels like it’s moving too fast, you might be experiencing love-bombing.
To clarify, love bombing is not a text message saying, “I’m really looking forward to meeting you.” Instead, it’s the early grand declarations like, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before. I love you,” after the third date. This declaration is used as a means of emotional manipulation.
Love-bombing was originally coined in the 1970s by psychologists who were describing how cults bombarded people with gifts, compliments, and affection as tactics to recruit new members. It has also been used to describe charismatic leaders in their recruitment strategies, a dynamic between friends, coworkers/bosses, family members, dating, and tactics evident within the narcissistic abuse cycle.
Love-bombing happens in relationships and the early stages of dating as a way to quickly form a bond and emotional dependence. This way, the love-bomber has you hooked so that you stay despite their love, affection, promises, and plans ending. This is a result of trying to seek that same attachment you felt at the beginning.
How Does Love-Bombing Happen?
Love-bombing is a tactic of love, appraise, and affection that makes you feel so high and on top of the world, that when the lows come, you don’t leave, you stay addicted to chasing the temporary highs.
When we meet someone new who excites us, our brains release dopamine, which is the feel-good chemical. When that person begins to act inconsistently, it creates anxiety and uncertainty. This causes us to feel pain and discomfort and in an effort to avoid the hurt, it can drive someone to seek the love-bomber’s attention again. And because dopamine released in the brain triggers positive feelings with this person, you still have a desire to chase them even when their behavior is subpar.
When someone chases a love-bomber’s affection after experiencing their inconsistencies, hoping to earn their "prize," they begin to associate positive feelings with that person, when in reality, they are being manipulated into returning.
This push-pull pattern, however, is more likely to happen with someone who has an anxious attachment or low self-worth. This person might return to a love-bomber because they seek their validation rather than recognizing they are worthy of reciprocity and respect in relationships and drawing boundaries.
How to Recognize Love-Bombing?
With love-bombing tactics, there is an intense increase in attention, time, and affection towards you. If you’re questioning whether you were just love-bombed, the key indicator is usually the intensity in the beginning followed by disinterest where it either abruptly stops or the attention you’re receiving becomes controlling, condescending, or devaluing towards you.
If the person who love-bombed you returns, a key sign that you’ve been love-bombed is when the cycle feels manipulative, emotionally abusive, and they display inconsistent behavior. A healthy relationship, where there’s love in the beginning and unintentional hurt later on, does not make you question your worth. Healthy relationships display trust, respect, genuine connection, reciprocity, and do not require you plead for the other person’s attention.
4 Signs of Love-Bombing
Overwhelming Affection from the Start. You might feel excited and giddy about the person from the start. But love-bombing takes it to another level. The love-bomber is quickly declaring deep, intense feelings for you (i.e. “I love you, I can’t live without you, I’m the most comfortable around you more than anyone else I know”) within just a few days or weeks.
Sense of Urgency. The love bomber might suggest or pressure you to do things that feel too much too soon. This might look like pressuring you to move in together, meet their family, or move forward intimately in ways that take things to the next level within a very short time or in a timeframe that makes you uncomfortable. They might push for commitment, exclusivity, or expect behavior from you as if you have reached those relationship milestones already. This could include making you feel like you’re soulmates or pushing for boyfriend/girlfriend labels before you’ve had a chance to truly get to know each other.
Excessive Gifts or Grand Gestures. Showering you with extravagant gifts to your home or workplace and making over-the-top gestures early on in the relationship might be less about being thoughtful and more about trying to create a sense of obligation or guilt. The gifts might come at an inappropriate time early on opposed to later after a natural progression of getting to know someone. This would allow for the gift giver to truly understanding what gifts and gestures would make the other person happy.
Control Masked as Care. It can be kind-hearted when asking someone to let you know when they get home safely. However, after the initial wave of affection, the love-bomber may begin using care or concern as a means of control. They might start asking you where you’re going, who you’re talking to, or what you’re wearing and make you feel guilty or devalued for your autonomy or choices. These questions become a sign of unhealthy control rather than genuine love.
What Can You Do?
The effects of love bombing can be harmful. If you’ve been love-bombed, you may feel emotionally drained, confused, and unsure about your feelings. The sudden shift from extreme affection to emotional distance can leave you questioning your worth, your needs, and whether the relationship is real.
3 Ways To Protect Yourself from Being Love-Bombed
Move Slowly. If they’re good enough they’ll wait. If they pressure you to move the relationship along faster than you’d like (i.e. emotionally, sexually, financially, physically, etc.) then they either have something to hide, or they haven’t worked through their own emotional issues yet, and/or it’s a red flag for love-bombing.
Set Boundaries. Sometimes this looks like setting boundaries with yourself. This could look like not going back to someone’s house who you’re dating until you’ve established an emotional foundation of trust, honesty, reciprocity, safety, etc. Healthy relationships are mutually respectful and understanding, not manipulative.
Trust yourself. Trust yourself enough to know that comfort doesn’t come from whether they pursue or promise not to leave, but from self-respect when you recognize that the connection is no longer working for you. Trust yourself enough to know that your pace is not the problem, their lack of empathy is. Trust yourself enough to know that your inner voice and self-respect is not the problem, their inconsistent behavior is. Give yourself the reassurance you’re looking for as you let go of needing their validation. Trust yourself enough to know your feelings are valid regardless of whether someone else is capable of acknowledging them or not.
If you’re wondering, “Was I just love-bombed?” take a moment to reflect on the dynamics of the relationship. Intense, rapid affection can feel flattering at first, but it can also signal a deeper need for control or emotional manipulation. Understanding the signs of love bombing is the first step toward protecting yourself from potential harm and ensuring that your relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine connection.
If you’ve experienced love bombing, remember that it's never too late to set boundaries, trust your instincts, and prioritize your emotional well-being. Healthy love should make you feel seen, respected, and supported—not overwhelmed or manipulated.